February 2, 2010
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A Lie (Changed the ending)
in the dark depths
I creep and crawl
soundlessly
slithering through human depravity
flesh and bone
devouring your inner cavity
tastefully
tarnishing your character
leaving a shadow of one’s shell
ingeniously
in one last address of farewell
I drive the last nail
deceivingly
hanging the shingle
of my profession
completely
kiss your character goodbye
proprietor of a lie © 2010
Comments (8)
Oooh. I like this!
@whatyouthinkyoubecome - Thank you so much for your comment and I am glad you liked this poem.
tarnishing your character
leaving a shadow of one’s shell
ingeniously
in one last address of farewell
I drive the last nail
deceivingly
That stood out to me the most! And wonderful poem–this depics a lie very well.
@QueenOfOreos - thanks so much for your comment … I like those lines the best also.
I like this. But you lost me in the end. It doesn’t fit your structure and rythym anymore there. So I stumbled a bit of this. Maybe you could break it up a bit? It seems to be a too long sentence for that piece crammed into those last 3 lines.
@eve1684 - I agree … I need to change something at the end. It seems to not flow well. Thanks so much for your comment.
this one is really great.
i can dig it, for sure.
“kissing your character goodbye….proprietor of a lie.” that line is siiickkk.
@sara_stop_it - Thanks so much for very generous comment on my poem.